Week 2 in the OHA has come and gone, let’s see how things shook out this week in the league…
Biggest Riser: One Bite
Biggest Faller: Forfeit Kings
Power Surge: Evil Empire
Power Outage: Bleacher Bums
3rd Star: Recyclebinhero
Hero is tied for 2nd in league wins with 6 (4 of which were earned this week) amongst all active goalies and has registered a league leading 925 sv% to coincide with 3 shutouts. A stellar week for a fantastic goalie.
2nd Star: Boston MLV
Boston ranked in the top 10 for games played but took just one penalty through 7 games, a tough ask of a position that requires constant opportunity for trouble. Well done by the relatively under the taser blueliner.
1st Star: DONNYWOOD
Donny propelled his team to the top spot in the standings with a Herculean effort up front, usurping the 30 point mark for the week. What a player.
As a song: Bad Day by Daniel Powter
Inspiration: Only 30 more games
Suggested move: Sign Holtby
O: 2/ D:1/ G: 1
The Bums continued to underperform their expectations (which is incredible because the bar was at floor level already) and lost their only real player in BillCrosby. It gets harder by the day to see this team making any real noise this season and the fact that they went over 10 games without a win is a major cause for concern. This team currently resides near the bottom for good reason and the outlook is bleak for any meaningful improvement, simply put this team is going nowhere fast, it’s now up to management to change that.
As a song: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes
Inspiration: More players to sign/cut
Suggested move: Keep a roster for more than a day
O: 1/ D: 3/ G: 2
The Armymen are still near the bottom but won’t receive the same treatment as the Bums because they made some meaningful changes…but please stop making roster moves! There is a slim chance this team can turn it around but it’s going to require a Herculean effort from their Defense to pull them through, tough sledding to be sure. Ultimately, how the Army looks by the end of week 3 will be the best indicator of what they’re capable of but as it stands, don’t get your hopes up.
As a song: Toxic by Britney Spears
Inspiration: See previous teams
Suggested move: #Tiarmach4ASG
O: 3/ D: 2/ G: 3
Toxic fell slightly from last week but are far from the worst team in the league, in fact the gap between 1-2 is closer than this team is to the bottom. As always the roster doesn’t blow you away but then again it isn’t bad either, it’s simply very average. Toxic should have a chance to move up the standings next week as they continue to play surpassingly well this season.
Bunch of Jerks:
As a song: Carolina by Parmalee
Inspiration: Matching clan names (?)
Suggested move: Talk less / win more
O: 1/ D: 3/ G: 2
The jerks (aptly named) took over for Easton Fection and immediately did…nothing. This team is as unimpressive as they come, no real game changers or even a hot goalie, they’re just average or slightly below. The management for this team seems to spend more time matching gamertags and writing down comebacks to actually complete a comeback at game time. It would be surprise for this team to not fall in the rankings next week.
As a song: Bang Bang by Jessie J
Inspiration: A lot actually
Suggested move: Add depth
O: 4/ D: 2/ G: 4
The first *real* team on this list, the Bangers are actually decent. It’s incredibly plausible that this team makes some noise and moves up the board next week, however small that jump may be, but regardless the Bangers are quietly becoming a decent albeit slightly boring team.
As a song: Holy Diver by DIO
Inspiration: The bottom 4
Suggested move: Add a scorer
O: 4/ D: 4/ G: 5
The worst team name in the league by far but honestly this team is surprisingly solid. Now of course they really need to address their lack of star potential up front, but that defense corp and goalie tandem(s) have propelled them to a winning record and a solid start overall. Pretty good for a team who didn’t exist a week and a half ago!
As a song: Royals by Lorde
Inspiration: Buy a goalie, get 3 free
Suggested move: Ride the “horses”
O: 5/ D: 5/ G: 6
The Kings are a solid team all-around but seem to struggle against the lower teams and often play down to their competition, no writers bias here but a 3rd period team if there was one. One interesting thing to note is the deployment of the team as almost everyone plays the same amount of games, this team certainly has the roster to get by that way but to truly succeed, they’ll have to ride their best players (read horses for the sake of the joke) if they want to be better than average. Giddy up.
As a song: The Gambler by Kenny Rogers
Inspiration: The whole team
Suggested move: Improve depth
O: 6/ D: 5/ G: 5
The Bandits are another solid team and should continue to be, they don’t have a noticeable weakness simply put. The only flaw on the Bandits is the lack of quality depth, sure they have spare parts but those parts are nothing special (no disrespect to those players obviously!) and acquiring a quality depth piece might just put the Bandits that much closer to robbing the trophy.
As a song: Hold the Line by Toto
Inspiration: Week 1
Suggested move: Stay the course
O: 7/ D:4/ G: 6
Sticks are a great team and they have had the same core for years now, if they continue to play as they have been they’ll be just fine. It’s been said many times in these columns but Fire and Chew are the best managers in the league, if anyone can right the ship after a tough week it’s them. Look for Sticks to gain some ground this week as they try to claw back to the top
As a song: New York State of Mind by Jay-Z
Inspiration: Their season so far
Suggested move: Nothing
O: 7/ D: 5/ G: 5
The Empire are doing everything right, they have maintained a top 4 spot and continue to rattle off wins, simply put they are the dark horse of the league. The whole league should be on notice when they play this team because unlike most newcomers, the Empire are really competitive. If they continue to play this way, it’ll be hard to ignore them much longer. Kudos.
As a song: Another One Bites the Dust by Queen
Inspiration: 3 more weeks of dominating
Suggested move: Stop beating teams 15-0
O: 8/ D: 4/ G: 7
The only other team in the league right now with a shot at beating The Curse are One Bite. In all seriousness this is a good squad, but a little more consistency is needed before a move to the #1 spot is considered. When everything is said and done One Bite should be up there with a chance at the cup, that is if they can focus long enough to get there first.
As a song: Higher by Creed
Inspiration: The Omaha still works
Suggested move: Plan the parade
O: 9/ D: 5/ G: 6
The Curse are one of the best teams in the league and just keep adding. They have no weakness and can play anyone anywhere, two of their top forwards have played D and G this year, seriously this team is legit. If we’re being honest you probably knew that though right? Let’s save the song and dance, The Curse have a real shot to three-peat and are the undisputed best team in the league. Period.